Ask for What You Want

There’s a lesson I’ve tried to pass on to my kids—one of three rules I live by: Ask for what you want. It sounds simple, but it’s often anything but. Asking requires putting yourself out there, risking rejection, and believing that you are worthy of what you seek. And that last part? That’s where most of us struggle.

I’ve hesitated to ask for things when I felt I didn’t fully deserve them. Whether it was a raise at work or help from someone in my life, I would convince myself that I hadn’t “earned” it yet. My ego would creep in, whispering that asking meant I was weak or needy. But when I stepped back and looked at the situation logically, I realized that asking wasn’t a sign of weakness—it was a sign of clarity. It was about knowing what I needed and having the bravery to speak up.

Ask for what you want - I always tell my kids this. Last year, my daughter wanted to be a flyer at cheer practice. She knew it was a long shot, but she asked anyway—and was denied. It stung. She felt embarrassed, maybe even slightly foolish, for thinking she could step into that role. But I reminded her that asking is never a wasted effort. It plants a seed, and sometimes, it grows unexpectedly. Later, on another team, she was able to fly. The more you ask, the more opportunities you create. It’s about putting your energy into the universe and being open to what comes back.

Of course, asking doesn’t always lead to a yes. I’ve experienced that firsthand in both personal and professional settings. Rejection hurts. It makes you second-guess yourself, sometimes to the point where you don’t want to ask again. But every ask—whether it results in a yes or a no—builds confidence. It teaches you that your voice matters, your desires are valid, and you can shape your path.

So here’s something to think about: What’s one thing you’ve been holding back from asking for? Maybe it’s a raise, friend support, or a break. Whatever it is, take a moment to consider what’s stopping you. Is it fear? Doubt? Ego? And then ask yourself—what’s the worst that could happen if you just put it out there? You might be surprised at what comes back to you.

Here are three journal prompts to explore this topic further:

1. Reflect on a Time You Hesitated to Ask – Think of when you wanted something but held back from asking. What thoughts or fears kept you from speaking up? Looking back, how might the outcome have changed if you had asked?

2. The Energy of Asking – Consider when you asked for what you wanted. How did it feel before, during, and after? Did asking itself create momentum, even if the answer wasn’t exactly what you expected?

3. What’s Holding You Back Now? – Identify one thing you want to ask for but haven’t. What’s stopping you? What’s the worst that could happen if you ask—and what’s the best that could happen?